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Alessandra
Essa.Les.
Apathetic (in a way). Insomniac. Fascinated by brujeria. Epitomizes procrastination. Hopes for the best, expects the worst. Cynical. Empathetic. Introvert. Obstructionist. Inconspicuous. Imaginative. Ambiguous. Passive-Aggressive.


Melancholic. Pessimist. Eloquent. Critical. Dense. Euphuist. Loquacious. Pompous. Shrewd. Walking Paradox.

The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.
- The Curious Incident of the dog in the night-time, Mark Haddon (Christopher)

**
When it comes down to it,
I let them think what they want.
If they care enough to bother with what I do,
then I'm already better than them anyways.
- Marilyn Monroe

**
I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.
- Audrey Hepburn

**
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde

**
I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
- Jane Austen

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Recycled with an R

This journal entry was also for my English class in which I never got to submit. All because I helped a friend out. BULLSHIT, MAN. Plagiarism is plagiarism. Whatever. I mean... I dictated her whole journal entry to her and she claims na "magaleng talaga eh.. that's life" OH MAN, WHEN SIR FRITZ SAID THAT IT WAS HIS FAVORITE ENTRY AND READ IT OUT LOUD, I BURST INTO FUCKING TEARS. I wanted him to read mine, but my stupid classmate whom I dictated a journal entry to said "Les, borrow ako composition notebook mo... I'll show my mom and tell her ikaw din gumawa ng sakin" and she forgot it the day of submission! But yes, I dictated, word per word, her journal to her. Ultimo punctuation tinuro ko.

Anyways, I shall stop sour-graping and post an entry. Oh well, c'est la vie.

**

The Siphomore Slump

Wow, I can't believe it. My sophomore year is almost done. Feels just like yesterday when I entered the life that is High School and now here I am, leaving my second year - a year filled with, so far, my most troubling and disturbing emotions.

Ah, the sophomore - or the sophomore slump, as they so fondly call it. Truly a slump, it has been. Although, I cannot say that all of the events that have taken place this school year were a mishap; there were some that have definitely been worthwhile.

This school year, I grew up. I have learned, experienced, and dealt with most things kids my age wouldn't even dream of. Let me narrate thigns as I journey back:

I will never forget...

... the friendships made, rekindled, and lost.
... the parties!
... the sleepovers
... the "malling" after class
... the 3 legs of the tripod (Reena, Essa, Rochelle)
... the sisters from different mothers (Maria, Rellz)
... the calls to old friends
... the "I miss yous", "I love yous", and the "what are we doing tonights?"
... the "hanging out" and just chatting for hours
... the nasty cafeteria food
... the boy who made me fall
... my seatmates (Iz, Ace, Mig, Lex)

I have learned...

... that pretending to be okay doesn't make you okay
... that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart
... that hating her won't make me a better person
... that you can't live your life in fear of the future and in memory of the past
... that change isn't always bad
... that we can NEVER stop the inevitable
... that you shouldn't go through life unnoticed
... that I am my own person - and that should be more than enough
... that the obvious goes unobserved
... that life is mostly at it's lowest point & it's the "little things" that keep us going
... that it's okay to cry to your friends - that somehow they'll make it all better
... that High School isn't about who's gonna be most popular, it's about who's gonna make it worthwhile
... that the destination isn't the best part, it's the journay - the getting there
... that those whom you feel are torturing you actually have your best interest at heart. And they're the most memorable.

Basically, I have learned that my friends, both old and new, are the most important people to me in the world.

And most of all, I have learned that I am not like every other girl my age. I don't look in the mirror and see a failure in life. Instead, I see a girl who's not so pretty & not the most popular girl in school, but she'll make a big difference someday.

That about sums it all up.

In other news, the summer breeze has yet to hit me. I don't know if it's because of the agonizing 2 more weeks or because I just can't let go...

(this was written before summer. Gaah.)

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
- to Sir Fritz for his constructive criticism
- to Ms. Salayog for always being there
- To Ms. Nueva for her unending sermons
- to Bes for her shoulder
- to Rellz for her ear
- to Reena for her nagging
- to Rochelle for her faith
- to Maicee for pushing me to my limits
- to Kit for choosing her other bestfriend in an ultimatum I proposed
- to every girl who gossiped about me in the corners to parties
- to those who were my slap in the face.
- to the close-minded or misunderstanding.
- to those who broke my heart.
> You have challenged me to become the person I wanted to be. I am stronger because of the trials you put me through. And no matter what you have done to me, you have unknowingly done so much for me.

- to J, just for being

Let's save the world and recycle!

Today, I plan to recycle a journal entry I made for my English class during my birthday last school year. Now, let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we...



Ooh Lordy, Lordy look who's 14.

First and foremost, before I become too engrossed with my journal entry, let me try to give you an overview of my story.

You see the O.B. Montessori annualy hosts an Acquaintance Party or soiree for the High School Department. It is usually held during the second or third friday of the school year. Every year, there is a certain theme assigned. This school year, the theme was "canzone", it was adapted from the theme of the "Personnel's kick-off Cocktail Party" which, I'm guessing, is the equivalent party for the staff.

Days before the acquaintance, all of the performers were already preparing for their cameo. Whether they be seniors, to juniors, to sophies, to freshmen to organizations, and even novice teachers, they all slaved themselves to make their number a sure, fire hit.

But I'm not here to talk about the days previous of the actual party, I'm here to talk about that one, spectacular night where differences were placed aside and the H.S. Dept. once again welcomed a new batch with open arms.

The day, unlike any other, started special. It was the day my biological mother gave birth to a baby girl named Alessandra. Ooh Lordy, Lordy, am I getting old or what? Time certainly flies by fast, doesn't it?

Well, as I woke up to start a day 14 years in the making, I took a shower, brushed my teeth, dressed up, and prepared my costume. You can say I pretty much started the day quite normally. Little did I know that my dazzlement that night would ignite a flame long afraid to burn. You can say, I broke out of my closet. Going back to my story, after getting ready, I headed to starbucks to get a frappe - my guilty pleasure is caffeine -- then to my bestfriend's, Maria's, house. We had breakfast together at Mickey D's (McDonalds to all of you idiots -- forgive. lovelove.) then we went to our 9 O'clock parlor appointment. After getting our hair curled & styled and our make-up done, Maria and I headed to school. You might be confused and wondering "Didn't you have classes that morning?" and yes, you knithead, we did. And yes again, you tard, we skipped school... but we did, however, have excuse letters (Hah! *sticks tongue out*)

When we arrived at our Beloved Alma Matter, my bestfriend dropped me off at my classroom wherein I was surprised by my history teacher and classmates by singing me a happy birthday. They, forever, are the best! I LOVE ALL OF YOU TO BITS.

Since I arrived with only 30 minutes left of our last class for the day, which was History, I never really get to catch up with their notes and lectures for that day. After what seemed like the longest 30 minutes of my entire being, Sir Bogs finally dimissed us. While everyone else was getting ready, I was already practicing on how to deliver my lines for the second half of the party.

When the party started, I wasn't allowed to be seated with my friends & classmates since I had a seat backstage with all the other performers & Mr. Fritz -- who is lovelove, by the way (; Since I was backstage, I didn't really have any knowledge of what was happening at the party per se. But I, none the less, had fun with all the other performers. So this time, you wouldn't be reading from an audience's point of view; you'd be reading from an Emcee's POV.

Backstage, the tension started to erupt when the program first started. Performerss rushing everywhere! Getting make-up re-touched, final alterations on their costumes, etc, etc. But when all was going well, everyone just ignored the tension and decided to be calm. Pretty soon, performers were jamming backstage and just having a different life of their own!

You'll find that life backstage gave you a different kind of rush. A high so good it'll take you higher and higher until you peak at your climax. Pure ecstacy. After all of the performances, I realized how harassed all of the presenters were just to make a party a success. I being one of them. But if you ask me, in the end, it was all worth it. (:

Summer lovin' happened so fast.

How does one define teenage love?

Is it the air we breathe? Is it that longing for companionship? Is it butterflies going crazy at the pit of one's stomach? Is it a very strong libido? Is it a notebook filled with "Ilove you's" and "Mrs. Something's"? Is it a teddy bear won in a carnival? Is it a second glance? Is it someone's last call of the night? is it their first thought in the morning? Is it those 5 hour conversations that end in "No, you hang up first!"?

To the old ones, It is nothing more than a mere memory of what could have been. They were the one's who never stood up for what they have believed in. They were the one's who were to scared to have admitted to themselves that they've fallen. Well, I think they're the people we should pity. How unfortunate one is to have forgotten their first love! Who would want to forget that?

To most, it's called puppy love; sharing milkshakes and ice creams, shopping together, tickling each other, laughing at those silly things -- doing things considered childish. Why? because there is no sense of security? We may not have security, but we sure as hell have comfort. Yes, we like to cuddle and coze up to the warm heat when we're feeling cold. Yes, we like to tease each other and run around like we were toddlers.

To them, they can call it whatever they wanna call it. They just know less. But if you asked me...

Teenage love was him... it was that summer... the summer I finally stood up to my parents about one boy... the summer nothing else mattered... the summer where night turned into mornings and that group of friends turned to family... the summer that I learned that love wasn't going to be easy... the summer I handled head on for all the world to see... the summer I learned that someone will love me for who I am and that I don't need to change because he loves me because I am not like everyone else.... the summer that I fell inlove... the summer that I found myself... but most importantly, the summer we shared.

And although the summer and the romance may be over leaving me depressed and down, I still am head over heels.

So teenage love is a bitch; It'll kill you. It'll make you go INSANE.. but, teenage love is worth the pain. It is worth it all... for that boy and I are bestfriends... and we love each other... and although we're worlds apart now, we still get butterflies at the thought.

He may not be the man I'll marry when I'm older.. but he's that boy that taught me everything. He came into my world that summer and taught me how to love and more importantly, the importance of letting go. He is the one man I compare all the others to, and no one EVER measures up.

So to you, thanks.

I love you and always will.

Some people never get over their first loves. They spend their whole lives trying to recapture the thrill..

Dirty Little Secret

I've been going out with the same group of people lately. And no, I'm not complaining. On the contrary, I'm rather praising (: I feel.... really happy - I just need to share. I found solace and family with these people. They met me at such a difficult time in my life and they are currently helping me go through the transition. I love you, fugeroooooouzee.


Bes, I hope you find in Vince the happiness that you have seem to lost with Eric. And no, we aren't rushing nor pushing you to be together. We want you to take each other's time. We want you to think before you act in this situation. If you find that you don't like Vince and aren't interested in that way, we'll understand. We love you for who you are, not who you do. Nyeheh. Jokekidding :D But on a more serious note, we really really hope things finally work out for you.

Bri, Huh? Oh Shiz. Who's this again? Wooohooo. Ch'kidding, Bri! Of course I remember you! Uyyy, smile na yan! Ha ha. No, seriously. Bri, we missed you at the last Valle trip! Where were you? Sayang. We went swimming pa naman. Just lemme know whenever you wanna go out, okaaay? Ktnx. (: I was looking at the Pictures on my multiply when I saw our photos! Those where Budj and Doni went down and left the camera with you to use. Ha ha. Aygaaa, memories. THE FACES! Haha. I really really won't EVER forget that.

Doni, I know yoy adored those girls. You don't have to hate them because I do. :P He he. I'm just playing. I know you like Denise. WOOOOOCHOOOO! Ha ha. Such a kidder. Always laughing. Anyways, I still can't get over your mom dropping us off at Shang. WE WERE SUCH A HASSLE. TSSSK. But all is good now, right? Cool cool (: I can't wait 'til our next escapade (: "Hahaha:) cool cool:)" ---> This is how you text and talk. EXACTLY LIKE THIS. Whenever you and I text message each other, I can imagine you talking. Haha.

Carlos, I'm talking to you right now! Dude, you're my late-night messenger buddy. We taaaaaaaalk about the most random of things. Carlos! We miss you already. You had to go to Baguio without us. Baaaaaaad. But oh well, we definitely have more time for memories. Don't rush it, okay? We'll get to wherever on our own pace. Sure, all of those things sound pretty interesting to us right now, but I'd bet that when we get to that point, we'd wish we spent our time wisely. So just chill, reelaax. Enjoy the ride. We got your back. Call whenever you need anything (;

Vince, you better not break her heart. Seriously, man. I loooff you and all but... really, you break her heart, I break your face :D On a lighter note, VINCE! We finally have contact of one another after countless of meetings :D Ha ha. I'm really glad we met you (; Chucool, yo? Ha ha. Ch'kidding (; But really, I wanna let you know how much of a stand-up guy you are. Use it to your advantage, okay? I know you won't use it to play with your countless GIRLS. WHICH BY THE WAY, IS BOTHERING MY BESTFRIEND. He he. (; Just giving you pointers, man. Looking to so much more "adventures" haha.

Budj, Secooond generation! Haha. What we lacked in time, we compensated for in bonds. (; Dude, it really really really sucks that you're leaving! But, all is well that ends well. A wise man once told me, "Leaving doesn't mean that arriving is off the picture" - Words I took to heart, lemme tell you that. But whatever time we were given, I'm glad we made - or we're making, rather - the most out of it. We used to say "oh, we'll be bestfriends like Tim and Jill" and dude, I have to say, we no longer need to say that. We ARE bestfriends. NO SECRETS, DIBA? true enough. Have fun in Arizona, Bujio. We'll soooooooooo miss you! Now, we have to adjust to Ate Jill and Tim whenever they're talking online din. That'd be funny. Ha ha. But yeah, I hope that you leave with Tim nalang. Then makisingit nalang tayo sa parties, noh? Ha ha. AND THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING US (us being Maria and I) TO THE BEST PEOPLE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! (cue for Doni, Bri, Vince, and Carlos to smile! Yikeee! Haha) Take care you! And also, make sure that you do whatever we used to plan and talk about. The plan is in motion.

Fish, fiiiish! :D My daughter! Haha. No seriously, I really didn't think that we'd end up having fun together din (; Really really glad we got to bond before you guys moved to Phoenix! Unfortunately, you couldn't stay with your Kuya and I kanina. Oh well, next time nalang noh? We'll drown him in chick flicks. Haha. Jokee lang :P Haay grabe. I'll really miss you! Who'd have thought we'd bond through hating common sluts and whores? Ay, I mean girls. (: Aww, hehe. I'll really miss that day. Loooooove you fish! (; Have fun in Arizona!

I LOVE THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE.
Lovelove♥