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Alessandra
Essa.Les.
Apathetic (in a way). Insomniac. Fascinated by brujeria. Epitomizes procrastination. Hopes for the best, expects the worst. Cynical. Empathetic. Introvert. Obstructionist. Inconspicuous. Imaginative. Ambiguous. Passive-Aggressive.


Melancholic. Pessimist. Eloquent. Critical. Dense. Euphuist. Loquacious. Pompous. Shrewd. Walking Paradox.

The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.
- The Curious Incident of the dog in the night-time, Mark Haddon (Christopher)

**
When it comes down to it,
I let them think what they want.
If they care enough to bother with what I do,
then I'm already better than them anyways.
- Marilyn Monroe

**
I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.
- Audrey Hepburn

**
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde

**
I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
- Jane Austen

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On fear and on the edge

Rarely do I blog about my dailies. But today, it's different. I will blog about my whole day because it was a mixture of both the good and the bad.

I was supposed to watch the GALS game at LSGH today, but unfortunately, I couldn't wake myself from my slumber and drag myself off of bed - So I didn't go. Also, I was supposedly going to the Ateneo Fair but then I recieved a message from my beautiful bestfriend telling me that one of our dearest friends is in the ICU - Intensive Care Unit (just for all of you, mongrels)

Unfortunately, she attempted to commit suicide. Yes, she couldn't handle all of the bull. She finished, in one sitting, a whole bottle of sleeping Pills. Yes, she finished all 20 of them. I will let her name remain anonymous because I care for her that much and I do not want GOSSIP started. I will not tolerate her being tortured by talking about her and thinking she is an insane person. WEAK, maybe, but INSANE, not!

So Maryrose and I got ready and headed down to Medical City. When we got there, it still wasn't visiting hours so we went down to get Starbucks to calm our nerves. When we got up, the barkada was there. We all hugged each other in fear of losing a beloved person to all of us. Her tita told us that this was her second life. Yes, she had a flat line. Tears rushed down each of our faces. Never in a million years did we think this was gonna happen to her. Mainly because she was our PIN. She held us down.

Only two people at a time were allowed to go in and talk to her. I went with Athena as the last group. Mainly because we wanted to spend a lot of time with her. Fear came rushing to me when I saw all of the machines connected to her and her fragile body. I tried my hardest not to stare and to avoid the topic. I came in with quite a funny line "bebeeeh, do you have a comb? ang gulo ng buhok ko eh" she smiled. That brought tears to my eyes - Seeing her very naive and innocent smile.

When we were all done visiting her, we parted ways. Bes and I went to Starbucks metrowalk to have more coffee and to just let it all out. Chris followed. He showered us with support. We drowned ourselves in caffeine and nicotine. Niko and JC followed soon after and then we headed to Gutsons.

Knowing us, teenagers, what do you expect? No no drama, you don't want no drama. OH YES, the inevitable drama! But fortunately, we settled everything in tiptop shape! Chai and the others followed and we drank! When Nik and JC were already a little tipsy, we decided to get some coffee.

We went to starbucks metrowalk to find a shitload of people and no seats available so we headed to Seattle's best metrowalk.

Drei fetched me up at 2 and now, I'm blogging. Yehey! Haha.

But no, seriously, I had such a good time.

Quote of the day (said by essa): You know... It's just like what JD Salinger wrote about Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye. Holden dreamt he was in a rye and there were all of these little children. And he was so afraid for them! He wanted to catch them! That's just what I want, you know? I wanna be caught...

Please, please, to all of you beautiful souls out there... pray for my friend.

Niko, JC, Chris, Bes... FRIENDS over LOVERS? No shit. Love you. I'd pick you ANYTIME!


//EDIT

"Smoking often and calling out our guilty pleasures. Let's keep talking - anything to stop clockwatching"

"It's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do and nothing to loose"

"You don't know how much you mean to me. Whenever you're down know that you can lean on me. Whatever the situation, I'm gona hold you down."

Kulit. Haha.

Songs for the night: Average Joe, My Humps, Hold you down, Ever After, and more dance songs. Later on, medyo nagdradrama na... senti ang ponyetah. HAHA.

Anyways, answers lang since I haven't done this in awhile. (:

question: how's maria? has she moved on?
* No, she hasn't ):

question: pumunta ka nun birthday ni niel?
* Yep, I went to NEILL's birthday. (:

question: kyo prin ba ni jake?
* huling huli ka na sa balita. Hindi poh, hindi na kami.

question: pokpok ka. pokpok!
* Pokpok ako? Ah okaay. Sabi mo eh. Honestly dear, I don't care anymore. What makes you think I care?

question: mga pokpok kayo ng mga kaibigan mong mangaagaw ng bf!!! magsamasama kayo sa impyerno!!! mga sluts!!!
* Whatever floats your boat. Wereallydonkerr. Look at it this way, MAS PINILI KAMI. And besides, you weren't OFFICIALLY together anyways. And oh yeah, kita kita nalang tayo sa hell ah, oh pano ba yan?

question: esssssaaaaa!! bodeeeyyy!!! you're not online that often anymore!
* CHRIS! BUDDY! I knoooow. Such a dufus. Anyways, LET'S GO OUT REAL SOON, FUGERRR. I miss you fuckrat! :D

question: kayo parin ba ni neil?
* No, we're not together. And it's Neill (: People have such a hard time remembering the spelling of his name.

question: r u goin to d reedly promm??!!?
* The prom was last night, and no, I didn't go. See post for details on what I did instead.

question: nakita kita sa ateneo fair!
* Wow. ang galing mo. Sobra sandali lang ako eh. As in drop by. Haha.

question: punta ka ba sa xavier variety?
* Yeep. My friend, Chrissie Reyes, is modelling! Support Chris :D

have you seen underworld and rumor has it?
* Nope. I'm watching Rumor has it with friends from La Salle on Friday. (:

question: hoy, bitch. i love you.
* Ay ang lutong. Hahaha. Chill, bebeh. Relaaks. Kick back. Do I know you? None of my friends talk like that. (:

question: Essyyy! - Steph
* STEPHANIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

question: guess who's gonna party with justin and everybody?!
* Ooooh! I know, I know! ME, ME, ME!

question: name/question
* banas kayong mga gagooow.

question: heeellloooo!
* Helloooow! HAHA.

Unopened Letters to the World

Beautiful People have haters. Haters hate beautiful people.

Mostly because they're insanely jealous and undeniably insecure with themselves. (:

Confrontations and All of the bull awaiting me? Been there, done that. Where's your sense of originality? Pathetic really. Funny how these words just randomly spit out of my head. It flows so naturally.

By the way, I'm not gonna censor names because I don't wanna be plastic like most people. Like I've said before, I decided to take the road less travelled. And it makes all the difference in the world.

So Christina, are you sure of what you have told me? Because, it has caused quite a ruckus in your little circle of wanna-be, social climbing, friends. And yes, I do say this with no due of respect. None of you have earned it anyways.

Trish, better watch what you say. It just might bite you in the ass someday.

Carolyn, you are such a waste. Tsk, you and I could have easily gotten along. After all, you, too, are a bitch. Just not more than I am.

To all of you...
DON'T PUSH ME BECAUSE I AM ON THE EDGE, I'M TRYING NOT TO LOOSE MYSELF.

By now, you should know that I am one of the hardest bitches to take down. And most likely, you won't succeed without my consent - and you won't get that. HAH, prepare for some major bitchslapping. If I were you, I'd lower what's left of your pride and bow down gracefully. Because either way, you're gonna be levelled with my feet who are more deserving to be on land, anyways.

Oh, I get it! Am I so important that you have to show other people that we're in good terms? I must say, I don't understand your techniques... But whatever the motive/(s)? QUIT PLAYING. Because you fuckers are about to get screwed. You wouldn't want to see my true colors. It's not a very pretty site. No, it's not hot pink or what the hell your puny little brains have concocted in your cerebeal cortex. It's a sad, somber, scary color. Do you know the feeling when you're looking down at something and it seems never-ending? THAT'S ME. That emptiness in your life.... That void you can't seem to fill... that was what I got from you. I got your INTEGRITY. You never deserved it anyways.

Oh kiddies, kiddies... Learn to respect your elders. Be like them but never ever try to be THEM. Chances are, you get the most embarassing reputation if you don't completely loose it - not that you had a rep in the first place.

I'm tired and must slumber now. I shall vanish and blog back later. Au revoir!

... DON'T PUSH ME, BITCH.

Year Ender Post

Year in review: 2005

2005. Whoooa. Baby, you had me going :D (You had me at hello line enters my mind) I've decided to just write randomly and write everything that's going on on my mind right now. Just for the fun of it and just to see what it'll concoct.

I can never seem to find the right words to describe this year. It was a pretty hard year for me, with all the transactions going on about and all the bull awaiting me. Nevertheless, I will still attempt to describe to you with the most lurid of details to make sure that you get a vivid image of how I spent my year was like in your heads.

January:
I was still part of the Corps at this time and the torture was yet to begin. Party Month for me as I started to actually let loose and DANCE at parties. The big BANANA party was during this time :D I love it!

February:
And let the hazing begin. Gaaah. Spent Valentines with my good friend. We were both bummed that we didn't have dates so we went out :D (He turned out to be a pretty good boyfriend (: I love you, fudgerrr. Still do. Always have and always will.) - (okay, people na pagchichismisan nanaman kami, we're friends! YUN YOON, OK? I love him as a friend, mga epal) Bettlejuice remembrance night with Carlo and my buddies! (This is just what we call it. I just slept at my friend's house because we wnt to a party and got pretty weird and had an unusual craving for bettlejuice the movie and other tim burton (my love!) films :D

March:
Ate Jae's Grad! I was on call (: Kuya Jap's and Ate Joycie's birthday! Summer, beybehhhhh :D Haha. Summer Parties starting. Our 2nd month and the most FUN ever! Memorable parties? Remembering the past (a black and white affair) and vintage labyrinth which I spent cat walking on one of the mazes/stage. haha. I loveee it. Also, reunion dinner with Jess as the host.

April:
Despedida Party for Kai. She's moving to the big apple, New York (I LOVE LOVE LOVE New York! But it sucks that you had to leave) Awww. ): Hannah went back to the P.I. and we took her bar hopping! we also took her to EK. Had fun, han? I love ya! (: Started talking to chica again. SRC started and Bes and I only attended twice. We quit the corps right after but we went to their training for quite some time. What did we do in OB while our friends trained? We talked and Ate! Haha.

May:
Daddy's birthday! I love love you, Pops! Reunion before my friend, Hannah, went back to the US. She lives in New Jersey now. We miss you already Han! 4th month with my exlovey and he introduced me to his family. I love it! Haha. I love his mom and his siblings :D I haven't met his dad yet during this time, though. Started partying with his friends hardcore! DUDE, haha. Sablay ka. Hahah. Reaggae Nights Party with slick.

June:
Monica's birthday! I love you, mocha :D One big blow out Party before school started. Everyone was there, I LOVE IT. I LOVE YOU GUYS. Ha, ha! During the latter days, School started and Tim spent his summer here. (I just realized I have a lot of friends abroad.) Tim was my classmate way back! In CLS pa. Haha. I Can't believe we remember each other, fudgeroo. Kate was back in OB!

July:
My birthday was the GROOLEST. I loved it! It was also the acquaintance party :D Lola's birthday. Super fun! I LOVE. Ate Blu's Birthday. Uhm... Start of Cheering Practice. HUWENTA Party - My, my, my. KELLY, diba? Dibs on Jeci. Haha. As in... ***** ***** :D Lolo passed! This was the saddest. But, in all fairness, I got to hang with my super cool cousins again. I love them so!

August:
Ate Mya's Birthday. Nothing really. School week for meeeee! Uhm... Kathleen Heroya party month. SUPER FUN PARTIES, kero :D Jon Javellana's Birthday. Lolo's Cremation and Burial. His final Mass. Nothing much this week, huh?

September:
Tuts's birthday! Merienda Buffet at School. I hosted it. Student Council Elections (I LOVE YOU ALL WHO VOTED FOR ME. KTNX. :D) Juno Party. Tonight's the night, baby. Dress to impress! Met really cool people like Jin Guillermo and Lorie Gerarld. Not much partying this month. Just random malling. (:

October:
Drei's Birthday. Ben's Birthday. Halloween Party! Dressed up as The Angel of Death. Loved my outfit! Went to the after-party at acropolis. Mia's debut at Shang. Overnight for those who were part of the cotillion. Shared a room with who else? Ji & Lo. haha. FRIENDS get together :D

November:
Mum's Birthday. Ate Joycie's Baby Shower! INTRAMURALS. Congrats to the SENIORS. Regular Gimmicks with kadabogs. Mia and I FINALLY met Lo's older brother who is residing at Chicago. He visited the P.I. for all saints day and all souls day. HOOOOOOOT. OO, crush ko. Haha. Pacute mode. Ally's birthday! I LOVE YOU MY
SWEETYHUNNYBABYLOVE. :D

December:
Christmas parties here and there. I gotta say, I love christmas parties. (: It's like the ULTIMATE gathering. I love my cousins and we only see each other during Christmas. Except this year, we saw each other when my Granddad passed. ): First Christmas without him. Kinda sucked.

May this year be filled with more joys and sorrow.