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Alessandra
Essa.Les.
Apathetic (in a way). Insomniac. Fascinated by brujeria. Epitomizes procrastination. Hopes for the best, expects the worst. Cynical. Empathetic. Introvert. Obstructionist. Inconspicuous. Imaginative. Ambiguous. Passive-Aggressive.


Melancholic. Pessimist. Eloquent. Critical. Dense. Euphuist. Loquacious. Pompous. Shrewd. Walking Paradox.

The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.
- The Curious Incident of the dog in the night-time, Mark Haddon (Christopher)

**
When it comes down to it,
I let them think what they want.
If they care enough to bother with what I do,
then I'm already better than them anyways.
- Marilyn Monroe

**
I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.
- Audrey Hepburn

**
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde

**
I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
- Jane Austen

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Sem Break and all kinds of breaks.

Semestral Break, here we (montessorians) comee!!!

School has been out for about 6 hours now. How I love it.

I'm glad I'm taking a break - from everything. I've been constantly harassed and my schedule has been nothing but hectic. I could feel my brain turning into vapor.

But most of all, I'm glad I'm taking a break from all the drama that is highschool dating. I know that that's hardly possible (hence, the skanky innuendo) but, I promise not to commit. I'm happy right now. I'm happy not to have someone. I just had to get that out.

I've been hooked on podcasts. Somebody, saaaaavveeeeeee meeeeeeeee.

Son's Gonna Rise by Citizen Cope: Perfect song for dancing. Sure, it doesn't have that hiphop beat you can breakdance to... and it isn't that techno/disco thing, too... but heck, who says rock can't be good for dancing? Sometimes, it's good to dance to YOUR music. When you feel lost, get infront of your mirror then start dancing... dance until you loose yourself - or find yourself.

from the soul: happy.
spinmix: Citizen Cope - Son's gonna rise
head to toe: halter, jeans, jacket, slippers from bayo.

Silent talks of awkwardness.

Hi, how're ya?

We saw each other today. We talked. We looked at each other and we both saw pain in each other's eyes. We looked into each other's souls' and we talked... not literally, but our hearts understood everything we wanted to say. We stood there silently wanting to say everything, but not doing so. The silence was deafening and it brought a ringing to my ears. God, I wish I had the gull to stand infront of you and pretend like everything is copacetic. Like everything is alright between the both of us. But I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't stomach the way that you and my FRIEND act like everything is completely normal when the both of you know that deep down, she's playing you. Ok, so after you went through me, you went after my friend. I guess you're not running for "boyfriend of the year" award.

Who could blame you though? Everyone knows that when that predator sets it's eyes on it's new prey, all hell breaks loose. I just hope that after this, we can still be friends, in spite of our very big history.

It pains me to see two very special people in my life kid themselves. Why the fuck did you guys have to fool around? I hope that all of this bullshit ends. Before either of you are hurt.

GOD, Rix! Can't you see? Can't you see how people look at you? How disgusted they are? How they look at you with such shame? How can you bare that? You play footsie with a Guy who is your GOOD FRIEND'S boyfriend? You let them touch you in ALL parts of your body? YOU TOY WITH PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS JUST SO YOU COULD FEEL LIKE YOU'RE BETTER. When in fact, everyone pities you. It's sad really that even your barkada is turning it's back on you. Even I'm having doubts.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt even when there was no denying it. Even when I saw it with my eyes. I gave you the benefit of the doubt because I love you and we're friends...

But if you dare hurt him, I swear to bob I will make your life a living hell.

And Adrian, I'm sorry I didn't tell you and I'm sorry that you found out from another person... I just didn't want to wreck a relationship, you know? Even if she wrecked ours. And for the record, I never did any of the things she accused me of. And I never used you. I LOVED you sincerely. I guess... the love just dies when the other stops trusting.

We can be friends, right? We can be in good terms.

from the soul: hurt.
spinmix: Jack's Mannequin - The Mixed Tape
head to toe: black halter and black jeans.

Change is always good.

Yep, no doubt about it. Any kind of change can do you no harm.

New layout. It's a very angst-ridden blend of Peyton Sawyer's Artworks. It's a little messy right now since it's exam week but I just had to change the layout. The other one was making me sick to the bone.

Jamie's Crying by Van Halen: Isn't this ust the most beautiful song? It's loud and it's substantial.

from the soul: sick.
spinmix: Van Halen - Jamie's Crying
head to toe: LT Uniform

Which one looks better?

This one or this one?

email me!

Exams tomorrow. Gotta study. Procrastinator, I am.

Driftwood by travis: I don't know. I feel different. Something's wrong. God, why are guys such jerks?

by the soul: stressed.
spinmix: Travis - Driftwood
head to toe: Tash's Jogging Pants and Dio's shirt (and no, not the one you're thinking about.)

Lalalalalalala-life is wonderful.

It's just one of those days wherein I forget everything that's been troubling me and just let loose. Actually, it wasn't just today. I've been enjoying myself for 2 days now. Yes, two. I consider that pretty long, you know? Mainly because I'm the type of person that finds it so hard to just leave things hanging. It's an OCD thing. Anyways, yesterday, I got to visit Ate Joycie in the hospital. She's doing pretty well - all things considered. Oh how I love her!

and by the way... YUAN ALFONSO, welcome baby boy! ♥

After the hospital, I went home to an empty house. I found it completely boring so I decided to go to my bestfriend's house. We did what we would have done if we were at my place, - watch movies & eat. I went home at 2:30a and not at all tired. When I got home, I squirmed in the site of my new things. YYAAAAY! Beautiful stuff! I love them. And I love my sisters for getting them for me.

I slept at 7a so I woke up at 2a na. I followed Bes (with Bheng, Cam, Kit, and Bhe) to Pearl Plaza where we ate. We went back to Maria's place at around 3 and stayed there until we went to Galleria at 6:30p to buy Nikki's gift (Happy birthday, bitxch) Guess who we saw? YEP. They gave us that "oh-how-I-hate-you look" Pathetic, really. Jhay-be had to go at 8 so we rushed back to Maria's Place since she wasn't really allowed to go out. Kate left at 9, so up until the guys (Reiji, Charles, Aki, and DJ) - around 11:30, the three of us watched Win a date with Tad Hamilton! Cute movie. Hehe. We left bea and reiji together so we went down to the basement for awhile. They left at 1:30a and then I followed at 2:30. I didn't even get to see Nigel or Chad. BAAD. haha.

Speaking of bad, I reread all of my past entries and realized that I am too DRAMATIC. oh gaa. Save our souls. You guys must be bored to tears with the same old drama.

Oh here we go, back to the olden drama.

Sigh.

STRENGTH AND CLAIRVOYANCE

Funny how reluctance, coffee, and boredom can make you see a whole new side of things; things which has always been before your very eyes.

I started my day as normal as the day before - reluctant to get out of bed. When my brother had triumphed over pushing me off of my bed and shoving me inside the bathroom, I became infuriated and threw a tantrum - not exactly the most mature thing to do, but hey! And everyone who knows me knows that the only thing that can nurse my psychopathic anger to tolerable cruelty (yes, CRUELTY) is a sip of Starbuck's finest. So as I raced down the streets to Starbuck's in Metrowalk, only one thing remained constant in my mind; KILL BROTHER IF DON'T GET STARBUCKS. I scurried to the line as if I was a rat which forgot it's cheese inside the evil cat's lair - squeak and meow. When my name got called by that wonderful bartender, my heart skipped a beat. And once my taste buds savored it's delicious taste, I was OK. As I enjoyed every bit of coffee that has quenched my need for more, my mood lightened and I took time to look out of the window of the Pajero.

Since I was already giddy from all of the caffeine that has inhibited my body, I started to notice little things, like the robbins chirping about and eating fresh-out-of-the-soil earthworms, and the calm serenity of the morning air.

Oh how I have missed that! I feel like an old hag now. Boowhore, I am. But come on, don't you miss being so careless? So out-in-the open? I miss my child-like innocence. I miss the state of oblivion that I used to be in... so oblivious and ignorant of the blinding hypocrisy of the world. What has become of me, I am ashamed... I no longer see that youthful spirit I once possessed. Partying, smoking, drinking, and all that goes with the infamous angst-ridden, rebellious streak we supposed teenagers have. Yes, I admit it. I am a victim of this so-called phase. But I cannot resist! Whenever I inhale this poisonous smoke and let it inhabit my lungs for the mere seconds that it does, I feel a heavy weight being lifted of off my already bruised shoulders. And when I swallow those alcoholic drinks, I feel that for that sporadic moment between somber and drunk, I am in control.

Maybe I'm being irrational, fine. But how can you contradict when you know deep down that it's true? I know you might wonder if I am conscious of all of these, why do it? That question, I cannot answer. But I can promise that I will do my best to do better. I may never change, because this is who I am. But I could, however, change the wall that I have isolated myself in, and in the process, lost touch with reality. I can let my guard down; I can immerse myself with another person - or people, rather; I can awaken a heart long afraid to feel; I can rekindle a soul long afraid to live; I can ignite a flame long afraid to burn.

I can change for the better... because HEY! It's no use crying over spilled milk.

You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll be waiting. - Tinkerbell


*NOTE: THIS WAS NOT WRITTEN TODAY. IT WAS WRITTEN SOME TIME AGO IN THE PAST. IT IS NOT A RECYCLED POST, THOUGH.

Fun, fun, fun :D

Ang saya. haha. I love fridays! Free cut the whole day except for History - but it's fine, cause we all love history.

Food fair ng collge ngayon. Kikay and I were with Carl and J.F. the WHOOOOLE day. Kulit nun dalawa. haha.

Wag nating kalimutan masayang pasasamahan,
tawanan, kopyahan, walang humpay na kwentuhan,
walang sawang damayan, at kanya-kanyang ka-epalan,
wag sana makaligtaan ang pagkakaibigang MONTESSORIAN!

- tangina. Highschool ka man O College... SWAK. Tama talaga ang timplang montessorian :P



CLICK

71-73

Once more, FEU...

...won over DLSU - obviously :D

La Sallites are sore losers - I believe I've said this before. God. My friends should really stop bombarding me with bash pm's.

And I just want to recognize the fact that...

the championship trophy is an EAGLE. Punyeta. Hahah. Made for ATENEO :D

And congratulations as well to MVP, ARWIND SANTOS.

On and In Love.

I don't know where to start. It's pretty self-explanatory, isn't it? Oh such a wonderful thing, love is.

I love it. I love HIM. I love every single part of him. I love that he always turns to me whenever he needs advice - even on little things. I love that he smiles just to make me smile. I love that his smile makes me smile. I love that he looks good in everything. I love that he's so child-like and childish yet is so mature. I love that he understands me. I love that he puts up and copes with my very extreme mood swings. I love that he looks at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. I love that he thinks that. I love that he does whatever I ask him to, even if it'll make him look stupid. I love that he turns just to make sure I'm there looking at him. I love that he gets jealous of people he need not worry about. I love that he cares so much. I love that he makes sure I'm okay. I love that he calls back whenever I hang up on him. I love that he stays awake just to watch me sleep. I love that he kisses my forehead. I love that he holds my hand in front of his friends. I love that he thinks I'm twice as beautiful without all of the make-up. I love that he sits infront of me for hours and looks deep into my eyes. I love that he wants to be with me in public. I love that he is a constant reminder of my happiness. I love that he puts all of his attention on me. I love that he boasts that I am his - even when I'm wearing sweats and have just finished cheering practice. I love that he loves all of my friends. I love that I love all of his. I love that he understands me more than anyone. I love that he constantly reminds me of how he's so inlove with me. I love that he loves me. I love him just simply for being. ♥

But most of all, I love him for turning to his friends, pointing to me and saying... "that's her" and I love that he then looks to me and whispers.. "you're the one for me, for always."

*sigh* Forgive me for being so damn cheezy. Putangina, so this is how it feels to be inlove right after nursing a terrible heart break; It feels better than the previous relationship.

I mean, ofcourse, I love J. There's no doubt about it. I will never forget him. And truth be told, I don't want to. There's nothing quite like your first love...He will always be a part of me. I just won't allow him to step all over me. What's the point? So I can be destined to eternal bitterness? No thanks!

I love being inlove and being loved. I mean, don't you love knowing that at the end of the day, someone is thinking about you right before they slumber? And they laugh and they smile at the very thought... and at the end of the day, you, too, think about him or her before you go to bed? And don't you love smiling at the very thought of him or her?

I'm such a hopeless romantic.

**

Today was such a FUN day :D

The HS class officers were tasked to go up to the M.M. Hall and join the College for the COP/CIP. It was pretty boring, but 'twas fine since I was seated beside J and J. Shiat. Those guys are fucking brr. C was there, too. And he was really nice today. C met Bes and Bheng today and some college guys introduced themselves to us. o_0 HAHA. Ana and I had a free cut during 9:30 to 11a so we decided to sleep - since we both obviously lacked some. We woke up at 11 to get ready for the pictorial, we both lookd harassed. Potangina. Oh well, what's done is done.

We had a free cut again at 2-3 so we decided to just... talk. Yep, we once again chatted over seemingly endless nothingness. We had to go up to the M.M. Hall again at 3 for the Mocktail's so we went up already. Ana and I were pretty early, so we decided to talk to CS for awhile. When the program started, I was surprised to find out that J and PR were bartender trainees. Man, they were good! They competed and they both placed 1st and 2nd - PR was 1st; J was 2nd.

After the program, the awarding cermony took place. CS got 2 awards and he could NOT stop boasting. Haha. Pa-impress si gagow.

Cheering Practice after The Program.

Kudos to Agmon and Jan Patrick for the fantabulous time. :D

♥