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Alessandra
Essa.Les.
Apathetic (in a way). Insomniac. Fascinated by brujeria. Epitomizes procrastination. Hopes for the best, expects the worst. Cynical. Empathetic. Introvert. Obstructionist. Inconspicuous. Imaginative. Ambiguous. Passive-Aggressive.


Melancholic. Pessimist. Eloquent. Critical. Dense. Euphuist. Loquacious. Pompous. Shrewd. Walking Paradox.

The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.
- The Curious Incident of the dog in the night-time, Mark Haddon (Christopher)

**
When it comes down to it,
I let them think what they want.
If they care enough to bother with what I do,
then I'm already better than them anyways.
- Marilyn Monroe

**
I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.
- Audrey Hepburn

**
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde

**
I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
- Jane Austen

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I am now relieving my blog of all it's history (Yes, I'm using this literally and figuratively)

Seeing as my blog now has so many visitors, I have decided to keep my private life private. For the last 4 years of my blogging existence, I have been scrutinized and misjudged for the way I write. Yes, I can be a bitch; Yes, I swear a fucking lot; Yes, I, too, judge people. But who the hey doesn't? I mean, wrong as it sounds, everybody STEREOTYPES. And besides, I have always been called "the tortured artist" now isn't THAT stereotyping? Blah. Fuck You.

To tell you the truth, I feel like a 70 year old trapped in a 14 year old's body. Yes, effect of stress. Damn it. 2A, FRIENDS, Dio, and YOU, I blame all of you.

Shit, things are falling apart. Every single piece of hope I have is deteriorating right before my eyes. SHIT HAPPENS.

Ok, I'm no Edgar Allan Poe, I don't excel in those "angst-ridden" pieces he makes. Heck, I'm not even good in handling and articulating all the drama. But there is one thing that you can expect me to be GREAT at, and that is being frank. Am I being a hypocrite? I mean, I do, after all, refuse to write about my personal life, yet here I am talking about being frank. Forgive the irony, I can be very much paradoxical.

I honestly don't know why I refuse to write about my private life anymore, this, afterall, is MY blog. Harsh remarks and comments are supposed to be ignored by moi, the author.

Heartaches, gossip, disrespect, death, mistrust, playing with emotions, cheating on our significant others, and all that goes with the infamous highschool drama is causing quite a ruckus in my life right now. All this turmoil and disturbance is driving me out of my mind. I need coffee. Someone make me happy.

Temporary Insanity is taking it's toll on me.
Do, forgive me - But fuck if you forget.

The Stupid neither forgive nor forget;
The Naive forgive and forget;
The Wise forgive but do not forget.

ALEX STOLE HECTOR'S PHONE

**

By the way, I just read a blog about a guy (who I happen to admire) who leads such a sad but patriotic (to some - including me) life. All I can say is, I admire you even more. (: Bravo to you, applaud yourself! After all the drama that you've been through Sir Diokno, I feel so weak to be teased by these "non-sensical" drama. I mean, my heartaches don't even compare to the heartaches you've gone through. I admire you for admitting to be bi-sexual and I admire you for being strong and posting your hurtful conversations with her, the woman you love. I look up to you now. Don't disappoint me (:

<3

This post is dedicated to my Grandfather who right now is struggling for his life.

Lolo, I love you so much. The site of you left me speechless. Now that I have regained my composure, I have gathered all my thoughts about your current state and I hope that one day, I actually get to say this to you - upfront & personal.

Hi Lolo, it's me "Les", the youngest daughter of Grace - your daughter. Remember when I was little you used to call me Barang cause of one of your neighbors? Yeah, you told me that she was this rich, fat, white, widow and that whenever you and your friends would pass her house she'd throw water at all of you when you were my age. You said that you really loathed and adored her at the same time. And then when my mom gave birth to me, you said that I reminded you of her. I was this small, white, fat, round, little girl that would always belt out at the top of my lungs. I used to tease you a lot, too! I used to hit you whenever you teased me as well :D That was probably our bond, huh? Yeah, we'd start the day laughing and we'd end it laughing harder than we already were - which was a loooot. But anyways, I'm all grown up now and you're lying in your *shudders* bed... I'm sorry I couldn't tell this to you earlier when I was at the ER with you... It was just that, I really couldn't believe it. When mom called us to say that you were in a critical state and that we should follow her to the hospital if we wanted to, I immediately dressed up cause I didn't want you to see me all ugly. We were at the car, by the way, when we found out that we could talk to you ONLY one-by-one. And from there, I started to gather every single detail of our happy memories together and started to make a piece. I was so ready to articulate everything. I mean... I knew you weren't going to reply to whatever I was saying, but it was important to me that you heard it.

But I swear, lolo, I couldn't tell you. I was just staring at you and I repeatedly kept on muttering "I love you! I'm here.." When I saw you, tears filled my eyes and I knew that it was never going to be the same... ever. I tried to start my piece, but I couldn't. I was just looking at you and crying and telling you "I love you!" everyone told me not to show you I'm crying so I just walked away. But my heart shrunk. It felt as if one part of me was missing; Like a piece of me was sucked into this vortex... Remember they said that when you apparate it's like being hooked on the navel and sucked inside a small hole? It felt like that!

When I got to the waiting room, everyone started to arrive... Ate Lorie and Ate Karra and we (the pamandanans) were there for you... After everyone had said their hello's and iloveyou's to you, the doctor told our parents, your children, about the operation. Apparently, the chances of you living were slim to none. And if by any chance you do, you'd be living like a vegetable. So the decision was left to our parents to ponder on. Thay decided on mercy-killing but onnly because they no longer want to see you in pain. Please, know that they DO very much love you.

Lolo, I know that these days, we hardly see each other... But know that I will always be barang to you and only you (;

I love you so much it hurts!

Now and forever,
Barang.

**

Please pray for him. Not necessarily for him to live, but rather pray that if, by a fate so cruel, he's going to go, he'll LEAVE happy and content with his life.

My little LILO



Haay, such an angel.



Haha. Future Model yan.



She's so ADORABLE.


DYING TO GET THIS BOOK.



*coughHINTcough*

By the way, Have you seen the NEW superman?


His name is Brandon Routh. What do you guys think? I think he's hott. LOL.

WEEEE! I finished the 6 potter book, despite of it's 652pages, in one day!

Yes, would you believe it? I'M DONE, I'M DONE!

Ok, so if you don't want to know what's going to happen.. better stop reading this post cause I am so giving spoilers! I'm giving the juiciest spoilers and I'm gonna be a total prick about it. So like I said, if you don't want to know, stop reading this post NOW.

* Severus Snape is the Half-Blood Prince. Yes, he is a hlaf-blood. But He's no royal - Prince is his mother's, Eileen Prince, maiden name.
* ALBUS DUMBLEDORE is going to die. Ang guess who's going to use the Avada Kedavra curse on him - Severus Snape. Yes, Harry was right all along! Snape is still working with Voldemort.
* HARRY POTTER, RON WEASLEY, AND HERMIONE GRANGER WILL NOT BE RETURNING FOR THEIR 7TH YEAR AT HOGWARTS. They plan to finish Voldemort once and for all (as to my pleasure - and dismay)
* Fleur DelaCour and Bill Weasley are getting married!
* Tonks (a.k.a. Nymphadora Tonks) is inlove with Remus Lupin
* Ginny and Harry will hook-up
* Ron and Hermione's feelings start to surface
* Ginny and Ron are both in the Quidditch team!
* Harry is Quidditch Capt.
* DRACO MALFOY IS A DEATH-EATER AT16
* Bill will be attacked by Fenrir Greyback, the werewolf that had turned Remus Lupin into a werewolf.
* Hogwarts might not open for Harry's 7th year - but he, ron, and hermione are not attending in spite of that.
* Cornelius Fudge is replaced as Minister!

Ok... so that's all I'm saying (;

Now that I've spoiled it for you... aren't you just itching to find out what else dwells in this superbly written sequel?

Go buy your own book, read it... and let's talk about theories! (such a nerd. HAHAH)

**

//EDIT @ JULY 18

Class Elections were held today. bleh.

MAYOR - Alessandra Martinez Pamandanan (moi)
V. MAYOR - Anna Delos Santos
SECRETARY - Czarinah Estrada
ASST. SECRETARY - Bianca Margarith Legaspi
TREASURER - Athena Lee
ASST. TREASURER - Maicee Umali
KAAYUSAN LEADER - Ralph Domingo (the only male officer!)
ASST. KAAYUSAN LEADER - Rochelle Villanueva
PAGSASARILI LEADER - Reena Ongtao

Wow... I was the Appointed Class Mayor and the Elected Class Mayor... SIKAT. hahahahaah. POTA. Kiddin' ;p

We had our first meeting today. EUCK.

Judging by our officers, you'd think we were an exclusive girls school. HAHAH

HAHAHAHAHAHA

It's 8a and I now have the 6th Potter Book!

DIE WITH ENVY,

OPEN 24/7

Once again, I sit in front of my PC, staring into the bright monitor, talking to my best friend, looking for new reads (through the very trustworthy google.com), while listening to the beautiful voice of my soon-to-be-husband, Jason Mraz (as if!) Ah, now these are the days I cherish the most - the weekends. They are the days I can finally finish up the loads of homework and assignments given to us sophomores by our insensitive, unsatisfied, evil teachers. Saturdays are also the days when I attend CAT Training and go out right after and stay out 'til the wee hours of the night. Sundays, on the other hand, are the days I regret the most; it's the single day of the week wherein I sleep and eat all day long. I hate being lazy, I get fat. Yes, trauma can do that to you, I shiver at the thought.

Today, as you know, is Friday Night. Otherwise, I wouldn't be blogging a REAL entry. Poor Blog, It never has anything interesting and serious in it. Well today, I decided to blog about my crazy school girl crush on my History Professor. Yes, it can't get any more cliche than it already is.

As many of you know, the new History Teacher in the O.B. Montessori Center Inc. Professional High school is very young & charismatic. He, along with his very good friend, Mr. Logic/ LAW, who also happens to be a young & attractive novice teacher on our beloved Alma Matter, have caused quite a ruckus in the High school - especially with the Girls. I, along with every other girl in high school, have humongous crushes on these two "studs". What's not to adore? They're young, hip; smart, caring (otherwise, they wouldn't be in this profession) and they've got the most angelic faces in the history of teaching. Damn you, OB, for hiring such hot professors.

Well earlier today, there was a "cat fight" regarding Mr. History. Apparently, one of the girls got the number of this history teacher and refused to give it to a fellow admirer. Since one of the girls thought it wasn’t fair for the other girl not to share the information, she borrowed the piece of paper the number was written on and tried to memorize their oblivious teacher's digits. When girl #1 realized what girl #2 was doing, she stabbed her hand with a ball pen (yes, I think it bled because girl #2 had her hand treated in the clinic) Even though it was by far the funniest site I have ever seen, I realized how pathetic we all must have looked. COME ON, We're students, they’re professors – our relationship is professional; It is anything BUT romantic. Snap back to reality, GET REAL.

Ever since I had this little moment of clarity (which was only a couple of hours ago), I swore to myself that I would get over my "little girl crush" over my History Professor.

**

On other news, Anna, Nika, and I had an escapade today! After class, we decided to let our vanity out and have tons of studio pictures. We went to Promenade at around 330p and waited for Jon, a "friend" of Anna's, to arrive. Since Reena was with us then, we decided to have our Photo taken with her. While we walked (more like trudged with our black, high-heeled, leather shoes) to I-Pose, a group of guys whom we assumed as College students, who were lounging at Grilla, suddenly said "Pare, Bata pa ata yan" while we passed. Us, feeling awkward, just continued with our walking. Suddenly, a guy in a black shirt started to approach me. Nika, seeing that the guy was about to talk to me, suddenly asked "Bakit, Ano kailangan nyo? Autograph?" The guy finally realizing that I wasn't interested just walked away with a grim face. Yes, he was that much of a loser that he couldn't get a girlfriend who was his age. When we finally finished having our studio pictures taken, Reena went to E.G.G. while Nika, Anna, Jon, and I ate a Mikki D's (Love ko 'toh!) and had our Studio Picture with Jon. While waiting for our photographs to be developed, we let out the inner kid in us take over and headed to time zone. Yes, I do go to time zone. Of course, after racing DAYTONA, we had to get our now developed photos at Kameraworld.

Seeing that we had to go, Jon accompanied us with our walk to OB and that's when it happened, 2 guys (who were SSSOOOOO my type!) walked by. I, being the boy-crazy person that I am, retained my composure while they passed. All of a sudden *bam*, Nika hits me in the head with her hand bag. "ESSA, YOU'RE SO KATI!!" were the words I heard Nika scream at my ear. I, dumbfounded as I was, asked "What the hell Nika?!?" "Hoy, Bruha, Di mo ba nakita that those guys were checking you out? Nagpacute kaya sila!" "Oh? Shit! Kilig!"

So much for being poised. :D

**

Now, I have to go. I have to read (because my mind is ACHING to comprehend and read new books), fix my CAT things for tomorrow, fix my stuff for the Gimmik tomorrow, and finish my homework and assignments. If anyone needs me, the class mayor-slash-officer-slash-confidante to some-slash-sister to others-slash-boy-crazy girl-slash-aspiring youth advocate-slash-aspiring writer-slash-teacher's pet (even if I have my hidden agendas)-slash-etc, etc., my cellphone, landline, and ym will be open 24/7. Give me a shout out, baby!

Not so Usual, Jason Mraz (:

This is the most unusual story
of a most unusual girl boy
She's He's the paint in my picture
of a most unusual world

She He can crawl out a frame
while she's he's hanging on the wall
And she's he's calling my name
she's he's not so usual

She's He's most unusual
She's He's not so usual
She's He's so unusual

She's he's mostly a ghost
the way she he watches over me
She he complains when I smoke
but then you do the same to me

She's He's controlling my brain activity
knowing when I go to sleep
She'll he'll catch me when I'm falling hard
she's HE'S so unusual

She's He's not so usual
She's He's not so usual
She's He's so unusual

She's He's not so...
hooked on the drugs like I thought that she he was
And never sucking' on the lime and hardly sipping on the wine
And despite of her his bi-polar roller coastering
I think I can trust she'll he'll keep me singing differently

And that's fine
'Cause she's he's with me now most all of the time
Trying and saving' the light
Thinking not of her his own
And always kissing me goodnight
When I just need to be alone
She's He's so sweet
So discrete
- She's He's exactly what I need
Not even make believe...

she's he's not so usual...

she's he's so unusual
she's he's not so usual
So unusual


- You're my PILL.


After an Afternoon, Jason Mraz

I bare my windowed self untamed and untrained
Dreams that hardly touch our complexions truest faults
If room enough for both my drowsy spirit shall fall
Bold waves tumble to the season of my heart
You have offended my faith and my trust
Until all is lost into the beauty of the day
Until all is lost
And I think It's Lost

And there's something in the way you laugh
And it makes me feel like a child
Aspects of life they confuse me
You and your thesis amuse me
After and afternoon with you
And your rich brown eyes
Your lips and dark hair
Elbows and exposed knees tossing toward the ceiling
After an afternoon

Face to palm
Tear to tear
And
Mouth to tongue
Heart to ground
Heart to ground
Say, "I am in love"
Say, "Heart to ground"
Say, everything
Oh, Heart
Oh, Heart
Oh, Heart to ground
I am in love <3

At around 7:30a, I went to Maria's house since we had a parlor appointment :D We didn't get to have our hair and make-up done til 9 because of the gay guy in charge. That son-of-a-gun, he made us miss our first 2 morning classes. Both Maria and I had our hair temporarily permed :D I liked it! I'm thinking of having my hair permanently permed. WEE, Peyton Sawyer hair. HA HA. Besides, everyone said I looked better with curly hair :D I'll post pictures soon!

Maria and I cut our 2 first periods of the day. HA, I only attended HISTORY The whole class (including Mr. History!) sang a happy birthday and Mr. history even sang the song he was going to perform :D

Being the host for the Acquaintance Party was tiring! DANG. Though I must say, this batch of high school students were pretty participative :D They were great - they didn't make me look ridiculous onstage.

The Program was smooth sailing at first, Alyssa and Ralph hosted the first half of the show whilst Christian and I hosted the latter part. The transaction was a little rocky but it was good, none the less. Our schedule was just so hectic!

HDH looked so good and he sang, too! Aw, he greeted me a happy birthday and sang a birthday song to me <3333 He sang (while playing the kahon/music box) Hari ng Sablay and The Day you said Goodnight! AWWWWWWW.

Going back to the topic, HDH was with me backstage the whole time (: We kept on talking about EVERYTHING. But ofcourse, sooner or later, I had to host the show so we went our separate ways. The program was changed and we weren't notified so we had to ad lib a lot but it was fine, the teachers and the jazz dance club had to perform twice since Mrs. Duran was late. And since there was an extension in the program, there was an extension in the time as well. Most of the students had to go before the free dance but the free dance was good, too :D

Richard made Kit's day (and I made her day too, ofcourse) Since Richard and I ate dinner together backstage, I told him to greet Kit and made him promise that he'll do it! And he did! :D Oh and he had a solo :P

After the Party, Kit, Bien, Kuya Jap, Kuya Benj, Bettina, and I had dinner, had our picture taken, and watched War of the Worlds. We were out til 1a <3

Oh yeah, Kate's brother looks like Mr. History! HA HA

Oh yeah, THANK YOU TOO EVERYONE WHO GAVE ME GIFTS! I DIDN'T EXPECT TO RECEIVE SO MANY!

And a belated happy birthday to Kit, Yssa, Lola, and myself (: And a happy happy birthday to Dale! <3